Friday, November 8, 2013


I have a secret. I’ve never done the hCG protocol.

How could that be? Did Dr. Simeons’ do his own protocol? I don’t know, but I do know this- you don’t have to do the protocol to witness the miraculous healing it provides to every human body that does it properly.
Over the last 5 years I have monitored thousands of patients through Dr. Simeons’ hCG protocol, documenting metabolic rates, body-shape change, body fat compositions, fitness testing, assessments of hunger and energy, as well as perceived difficulty, and other physical and emotional observations. I’ve heard every fear, every complaint, and I’ve listened to testimony after testimony about the healing phenomenon of the hCG protocol. Much of these findings I published two years ago in my book, Weight-Loss Apocalypse.
Yes. It has been two years since I published Weight-Loss Apocalypse. Since November 8, 2011, I’ve continued to observe patients closely, but have also expanded my observations to people across the United States and to countries around the world. But the majority of people I work with outside of the clinic don’t come to me for help with the hCG protocol. They are seeking help with residual emotional complications with eating disorders and other addictions.
I’ve been given the opportunity to work with patients who’ve had troublesome addictions to opiates and narcotics, alcohol, gambling, exercise, food, dieting, exercise, sex, as well as religious addiction. If you’ve watched any of my videos on YouTube you might understand why.
I knew when Weight-Loss Apocalypse was published that it was a very dry and basic outline of how to approach the protocol for emotional eating. I didn’t include the complex web of influence that underlies why people choose to eat emotionally and why they continue to struggle to abandon their deeply rooted emotional need for food. To be honest, I didn’t include this detail because I didn’t know how to write it.
There were six chapters I had written (and re-written a few times) that I chose not to include in Weight-Loss Apocalypse because it was too complicated for me to write in simple and understandable terms. My editor was brutally honest about how confusing, how boring, and how not-publish-worthy those chapters were. As a temporary fix, I decided it would be better for me to capture and share this information in recorded sessions with patients. The goal of these YouTube videos was to show the Mind:Body Method in action and to expose the emotional challenges that are so difficult to understand and to describe in words.
How do you describe what it takes to redeem yourself from addiction? How do you describe the isolation, the shame, the fear of rejection, the self-hating control, the intense panic, the fear of death and desperation to live, and the need to hide from it all? How do you explain how to forgive the unforgivable? Is there an easy way to paint a picture with words that reaches down into a deep grave of mental illness? How do you breathe light and hope into a soul near emotional collapse? The protocol is simple to understand, it’s relatively easy to do, but it can’t give you the love you didn’t receive from your parents, it won’t replace your husband, and no amount of weight loss will fulfill a happy life- and that is the part I omitted from Weight-Loss Apocalypse.

Even though I’ve never done the hCG protocol, I have saved my soul from a life defined by addiction and mental illness. I have overcome an eating disorder, addiction to exercise, and an obsession with having the perfect body. I know what it took for me to recover my identity from being brainwashed by fear of rejection and fear of God, and I know what it took for me to forgive a rapist, to forgive myself, and to forgive my life.  

Since publishing Weight-Loss Apocalypse, having been given the opportunity to help people through emotional confusion, I’ve been witness to more than just physical healing. Because of this I’ve been able to refine my communication and am now confident I can express this exposing and healing process in written word.
As I take this year to write the parts I left out of Weight-Loss Apocalypse, I hope you get the opportunity to watch the videos I’ve posted on YouTube. Some videos are simple and some complex. I can be insensitive, harsh and I often throw out F-bombs and other various cuss words. You will witness my passion, my love for complete strangers, as well as my impatience for people’s refusal to take responsibility. Sometimes I’m offensive and abrasive but the message I bring is with good integrity.
If you have in any way been helped by the these videos or by the concepts in Weight-Loss Apocalypse, please share what it is that has helped you. 
Here are the last few sessions I’ve posted that will give insight into what will be in this next book.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


A year ago I noticed something very frightening: a lump in my right breast/arm pit area. After three months of observation, I noticed it would increase in size and tenderness about 10 days before my period, but would disappear as soon as I started my menstrual cycle. Then, again, it would appear about ten days before the following period. I scheduled a breast exam with two different doctors and both said it wasn’t something I should worry about.

Each month I noticed it was slightly bigger and more obvious than the previous month. By this past February, it was worth worrying about.  There was no doubt in my mind I had a problem, so I scheduled another doctor’s visit as well as a mammogram and ultrasound. By the time I got the mammogram I had started my period, the lump was smaller, and nothing was found. I left the exam both excited, but also feeling a bit crazy.

This is where cold therapy comes in. I had been reading the blogs written by Dr. Jack Kruse where he describes the science and details to the healing benefits of cold adaptation or cold thermogenesis(CT) along with his genius application of seasonal eating. Keep in mind- his blogs are specific to a natural means to reduce leptin resistance and ailments caused by leptin induced inflammation. Being that I have very low body fat, I wasn’t thinking this information could be used to reduce or heal my own issues, but I instead I was reading to gain insight into CT as a suggestion to help other people. 

Cold therapy isn't new to me. As a college athlete, bags of ice all over my body was a daily need. I played volleyball at the collegiate level and not only did we wrap ice bags on our inflamed and over used knees, spine, and shoulders, but we jumped into the near by river for 10-15 minutes as a daily ritual- especially during two-a-day practices. I even arrived early before practice to ensure enough time to sit in an ice bath. The sports medicine trainers warned me that ice before practice might cause injury, but to me it made practice bearable.

While reading Dr. Kruse's blog,  I connected the dots to my own obvious inflammatory problems. It became obvious that CT might be a solution to my menstrual inflammation and osteoarthritis (caused from years of over training). So I reintroduced CT to my body and hoped for the best.

But the decision to add cold therapy  has come with risk.  I do not have leptin resistance and because of my very low body fat percentage, I assumed my response to CT (from a fueling perspective) might cause fat gain. Why? Since I have less fat, my body might react differently than a person who has more fat and leptin resistance.

From my understanding, for people who have leptin resistance, CT (as described by Dr. Kruse) reduces leptin levels. The result would be reversed leptin resistance, less hunger, less inflammation, and more fat loss. Like a game of balance atop an upside down U curve (an arch like a rainbow), preventing blood leptin from levels that are too high or too low is the goal. Less leptin than ideal results in symptoms of starvation. More leptin than ideal results in resistance, fat gain, inflammation, and most modern ailments our culture experiences today. The goal is a balance on top of the curve, which would make for an optimal hormonal environment.

My experience with this curve comes from observation of the hCG protocol. Over the last four years, I have observed- in detail- over a thousand patients through multiple rounds of Dr. Simeons hCG protocol.  It is my speculation that hCG does the opposite of CT. Low dose hCG stimulates the body to release leptin, which reduces hunger and the hormonal need for food. However, in order to avoid symptoms associated to leptin resistance, a  controlled very low calorie protocol is necessary. Rapid fat loss is a result of this hormonal balance and maximized fuel demand. Whether it's hCG or CT, the goal is to hit the optimum level of leptin at the top of the curve. This is where there is ideal fuel demand  which results in fat loss, loss of inflammation, and as an adaption - improved resting metabolic rates.

The discovery of leptin and the scientific understanding of its influence during starvation, fueling homeostasis, fat cell multiplication, inflammation, mitochondrial biogenesis, and much more have exposed the incredible ability the body has when given the opportunity to maintain life in threatening environments. Here is a link to scientific study that describes how this can be done.

For me, being that I didn't have leptin resistance or extra fat to lose, I assumed cold adaptation might make me susceptible to fat gain.  If my body's reaction to CT worked in negative feedback loop-  my body might have the reverse influence from CT- stimulated leptin. Ultimately this would increase my susceptibility to fat gain. But, even so, I was more concerned about reducing these symptoms:
1) Osteoarthritis in my spine.
2) Restless leg syndrome.
3) Inflammation with weather related cold fronts.
4) My right breast lump.
In my mind, it was worth the risk.

It took about 2 months at 15 minutes each day to acclimate to 52-55 degree showers, and here is what I observed:

1) I no longer take anti-inflammatory meds for chronic osteoarthritis. It is manageable with CT, and postural alignment exercises (Egoscue Method).
2) Restless leg syndrome occurs less often.
3) Cold fronts aren’t noticeable, but I am now aware all pressure fronts influence my fluid retention and inflammation.
4) The breast lump has reduced in size and tenderness. It also goes away sooner which has made it very easy to predict the start date of my period.
5) My periods are shorter in during.
6) My legs have less circulation problems during my period.
7) I have gained 5 pounds of fat (just as I predicted).
8) I get heartburn with citrus fruits, especially during the 10 day period before my period.
9)Now that its summer and I have more time in heat and the sun, I've noticed a weird throat feeling that is difficult to explain.  This weird fluttery feeling doesn't occur as often when I add back starches to my diet. I'm assuming this is thryoid????
I've noticed that my fat gain occured during the luteal phase of my menstrual cycles. During this time hunger is minimal and I have intolerance for fruit (heart burn). Except for 3 days before my period, where my hunger dramatically increases (and so does the weird throat fluttering). I've come to realize my diet has needed to change depending on where I am during my menstrual cycle.  It’s pretty obvious why, when you look at articles that describe significant increases in leptin levels during the luteal phase.
It is thought that the recorded increases in leptin during the luteal phase correlates with the increase in estradiol and progesterone. Here is a picture of this cycle.
  1. With the natural increase in leptin related to the increase in estradiol and progesterone, is CT at that time making me more sensitive to gain?
  2. In a woman who has excess body fat, would she lose fat during that time?
  3. If I remove all carbs during that week would my leptin levels have less of a slope, which would reduce my sensitivity and symptoms of heartburn, fat gain, and the increase in my breast lump?
  4. Does the increase in core body temperature during the luteal phase increase further with CT or does CT reduce this temperature?
  5. I'm thinking this increase in leptin after ovulation has to do with preganancy. Maybe the upswing in leptin is necessary to increase hCG release from a newly implanted egg, which would further increase projesterone levels that are necessary to sustain the placenta for full term pregnancy?
My goal would be to reduce the slope of the (progesterone/estrodial) curve but not eliminate the slope of the curve (which I'm assuming would stop menstruation all together).
With this in mind, for the last two months I've increased my starches just before and during my period. But immedialty after ovultation, I've removed both fruit and starch from my diet. All the while, I've continued daily CT. As a result I've noticed my body fat hasn't increased, but it hasn't gone back down. The luteal occurance of heart burn is gone, and the breast lump has reduced in size and tenderness even more.

As a woman, and knowing my body cycles hormonally, integrating CT and change in diet to offset my symptoms has been an awesome experiment. I will continue to adjust and adapt my diet, but it has required I stay tuned into my body, into hunger, and that I adjust to it's rhythms. I've had to adapt to monthly rhythms, to changes in sleep, with alcohol intake, and now I've adjusted with the change in season.

I believe this capacity to adapt, as Dr. Kruse preaches, is a big deal. The less adaptable we are, the more prone to disease we become. And to all of you lean people- you aren't immune.
For those of you who are implementing CT either with the hCG protocol or alone, what have your symptoms been during your menstrual cycle? Have you been able to compare a protocol with CT to a protocol without CT? I am very excited about what CT has to offer and as a woman I know we can use this science to reduce symptoms during our menstrual cycle that are less understood by the science community. 

Dr. Kruse has done us a huge favor. He's taken modern science and made it applicable. But for CT to work, there is a large amount of personal responsibility to change your eating lifestyle and that you have tolerance for fleeting physical discomfort. The questions you need to ask yourself are:
  1. Would you be willing to sit in a bathtub was water that is 55 or less degrees Fahrenheit for enough time that your body acclimates?
  2. Is it worth the risk to understand your body isn't flawed, but our desire for "comfort" is?
  3. Are you desperate enough to set your ego aside to open your mind to witness your body's capacity is to survive and heal itself?

And if CT does reduce premenstrual symptoms, it could in fact- make the world a better place.

I would like to thank Dr. Jack Kruse for putting himself out there by delivering this incredible science. HERE IS A LINK TO DR. JACK KRUSE'S BLOG


Relation of menstrual cycle and alimentary consumption of women

Modulation of placental vascular endothelial growth factor by leptin and hCG.

Monday, June 4, 2012


One of the most important life sustaining reactions to under-fueling or starvation is a decline in energy demand. This decrease comes from a decrease in thyroid hormones (T4 and T3). With the discovery of leptin in 1994, we more fully understand why this metabolic decrease occurs. Hypothalamic leptin levels are an integral part of why the thyroid supresses, and metabolism decreases during starvation.

The link between leptin and starvation has been discussed for well over a decade. Initially scientists viewed leptin as a hormone designed to prevent obesity, but many studies suggest that leptin also signals the switch from a fed to the starved state, which would reduce fat use for fuel. As leptin levels decline, so does the metabolic signal from the brain as well as a decline in fueling from fat.

What we understand today is that as eating decreases and the demand for fuel isn't adequately met, leptin levels also decrease, signaling to the brain that the body isn't fueling adequately.  This decline in leptin in the brain suppresses Thyrotropin-releasing hormone (TRH). TRH is the neuropeptide that controls the release of Thyroid-stimulating Hormone (TSH), which in turn acts on receptors in the thryoid to promote the synthesis and release of T4 and T3. Ultimately, this response tells the body to conserve energy, which would reduce overall need for fuel in an attempt to balance the body's metabolic mechanisms when lacking food.

In an attempt to solidify that this metabolic turn-down in response is regulated by leptin, researchers studied the thyroid reponse to starvation, with and without leptin administration. This means that scientists put mice into starvation and gave some mice leptin and others a placebo (water). The mice with leptin administraion didn't have the same starvation induced drop in thyroid hormones like the placebo group. This research indicates leptin as an important influence on the throid during starvation.

Here is a link to an easier to read article about this leptin/thyroid/starvation link.

In searching for answers to why low dose hCG could possibly prevent symptoms of starvation during Dr. Simeons' 500 kcal protocol, I knew that prevention in the starvation response from the thyroid would have to be necessary.  As science would suggest, eating less than 500 kcal in food for over a month would most likely show significant changes in the thyoid that would indicate reduced leptin levels, then decreased TRH, TSH, and ultimatlye reduced T4 and T3. This would negatively impact overall metabolism. However, the data I've collected shows the opposite: metabolic rates significatly increase after the 500 kcal protocol with low dose hCG administration.

The next important piece in sustaining life during starvation is maintaining energy balance through adjustments in fueling mechanisms. In other words, where does the body create it's fuel: muscle, fat, glycogen, or blood glucose? In order for symptoms of starvation to be prevented the body would most definitely have to create fuel out of body storage, but in order to prevent muscle loss, there would have to be adequate fuel supplied by stored body fat. Science has shown one of the most important regulators of fuel release from fat is leptin. Leptin regulates the most importand fat combusting , AMP-activated kinase (AMPK) and more. Could this science explain why most people experience improved resting metabolic rates after eating less than 500 kcals for over a month? Does the body adapt at the mitochondrial level?

Here is a link to not easy to read science that describes how leptin (when in proper amounts) regulates fat use for fuel.

If there was a way to keep leptin levels from falling as they do with starvation, could symptoms of starvation be prevented, not only in the brain but in the body? Could fat adequately fuel the body so that muscle and organ tissue could be preserved? That is a very important question, considering thousands and thousands of people are experimenting with starvation through the hCG protocol.

One of the most important studies I've come accross describes how there could be a drug created that would prevent all metabolic symptoms of starvation. But, in my opinion, I don't think we need a drug when we have a simple hormone that could be used instead; HCG.

Here is a link to a minireview that literally describes experimentation with mice to show what our physiology is capable of.  This study discusses the use of a fatty acid synthase ihibitor (similar to leptin). What if the control of leptin could be balanced by the stimulus of leptin through hCG, rather than a drug? Could the very low calorie protocol keep leptin controlled to prevent leptin-resistance?  This could make sense to explain why people aren't experiencing symptoms of starvation, and even better- improved metabolic rates.

Until we have laboratory experimentation for why and if low dose hCG can prevent starvation, we are all left to just assume otherwise. For this reason, I have written a hypothesis that can be used to start a more intelligent and scientificially relevant discussion of why Dr. Simeons hCG protocol could work. Is it the hCG or is it hCG's link to leptin? Based on the science that is available to us today, my bet is on the relationships between hCG and leptin.

READ MY HYPOTHESIS and make that decision for yourself.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012


One of the most incredible experiences I’ve had is going through labor and delivery of my three children. I remember the intense pain I felt through my pelvis as if I was being ripped apart at the sacrum, similar to the picture of the Levi -brand jeans being torn apart from the right and left side by horses. It felt as if my iliac bones were being ripped out of my body. It would be similar pain to that of being sawed in half at the waist. I couldn’t catch my breath, there was no position that removed the pain, and there was no break between contractions. I remember crying and wondering how I was going to make it through hours of this debilitating pain.
Eventually I did get an epidural. However, it didn’t quite work that well. My right side continued to have the excruciating perpetual pain around my spine and hips, so they upped the epidural so much that I couldn’t feel anything. Not one thing. When it came to pushing the nurses had to tell me when to push. I had no idea if I was having a contraction, how hard the contraction was, and I didn’t have a clue as to what to do. I just pushed as hard as I could, hoping it was enough to end the misery.
I know this is gross, but you know that feeling you get when you are going to go number-2? That feeling tells you what to do, when to do it, and how hard you need to work to get it done?  It’s a feeling of impending need, a feeling of pressure, or a sense of prioritization- otherwise you’re going to shit your pants. During labor and delivery, your body gives you similar feedback, but with pain that is magnified by five-billion three hundred-thousand seven-hundred and ten, or so.  Because I chose to receive an epidural with my first two children, I was never exposed to that feedback and didn’t understand the capacity of the human body to communicate its needs- until the delivery of my third child.
Come to find out later that the pain I experienced with my first two children is called “back-labor”.  My third labor and delivery was a very different experience, however. There was no back pain, there were normal breaks between contractions, and I could breath.  As a contraction would rise I could mentally prepared to relax through the pain. The pain was entirely in my stomach and would build up like a wave that lasted a few minutes. In order to get through the wave of pain, I imagined I was floating on my back like a limp peace of seaweed. The moments I tensed up, the pain was much worse. I quickly learned to submit to the fact that there was no getting out of the delivery and I would have to allow the body to do the work it needed to safely deliver my baby. I willingly stepped aside and went through about 6 hours of this deep relaxed state, allowing my body do what it needed to prepare for delivery.
I regret that I agreed to get an epidural because the pain was manageable (compared to back-labor) with meditation.  But, I am deeply grateful to the nurses because they knew when to turn the epidural down and I ended up have 100% of my feeling back an hour before delivery.  Those nurses gave me the opportunity to understand how incredible the human body is. I could feel everything, and the most amazing feedback my body was giving me was the sensation to push. It came in three-dimensions: how hard, how long, where the pressure was, and when to push.  It was a life altering experience for me. The sensations were so loud and clear that, this time, I was yelling at the nurses and telling them when and what was going on.
My husband and I are done having children, but I would love to go through that experience again. There have been times that I recreate that pain in my mind and I put myself in that meditative state, but it’s not the same. Without the pain or not having a choice in the matter, I’ve found it difficult to duplicate the level of consciousness required to separate my ego from dictating my body.   I wish I could go back and choose to go through the entire labor and delivery without an epidural. But with what experience I was given, the gift was in being exposed to how incredible the body is at taking care of itself through something as miraculous as creating a human being, and then delivering it without killing me or my children. What a mind-blowing piece of art that our intelligence isn’t capable of duplicating.
Are we as humans intelligently capable of duplicating the perfect feedback and guidance that our bodies give to us? Do we need a monitoring device to tell us when to poop and how hard to push? Do diet businesses (that are more concerned about selling products and their profit margins) really know more about our hunger rhythms than your body?  Is there another single human being with adequate super powers to tell you when your body needs to eat, of how much, and what it is craving? Are diets that manipulate food by calories capable of understanding how seasons influence changes in hunger with change in weather and pressure, moon cycles, menstrual cycles, stress and sleep fluctuations, and let us not forget impact on hunger with exercise and activity levels?
To all of the women reading this, has any diet ever explained to you why you are hungrier before your period and why you’re less hungry after you period, and did they adjust your food intake for that reason? Do diets accommodate for any dynamic change in hunger rhythms and do they continue to weigh you as if the water weight you gain each month is fat? My point is that the diet and nutrition industry (which is driven by the need to make money) is so misguided and off when it comes to understanding your body’s own intelligence. I don’t think our conscious intelligence has that capacity, nor the humility.
There is no static diet that can fulfill the many dynamic influences of your body’s need for food hormonally. But there is one perfect system, and that system is hard-wired into your body as a sense of hunger.
Hunger is more than just physical urge to eat. There is timing or a sense of urgency to eat. As you get hungrier the sense of amount of food increases, and then there’s craving for certain flavor, texture, and food substrate (fat, protein, carb, water, salt, fiber, nutrient, etc.). Have you ever considered your body’s dictation rather than the food and diet industries control? I give you this challenge: For the next few weeks, eat only when your body tells you to eat. Eat what your body is craving, but not a bite more than what is necessary to remove hunger. This means you should never be even close to full. This is similar to how you would eat if you were rationing food as of more isn’t an option.  Never get too hungry, avoid fullness at all cost, and eat what your body is craving- NO GUILT OR JUDGMENT OF THE FOOD.
Take notes of changes in energy level, body temperature, sleep, sex drive, acid reflux, and anything that changes as you use your own body rhythms to guide eating. To help I’ve attached the hunger-scale I created for people I coach. You can use your own words to describe hunger and understand that for those of you who are morbidly obese hunger will manifest differently than it does for people who are leaner. For example you might get a headache, burning throat, or quick onset of exhaustion, but not necessarily urgency.
Unfortunately, because we’ve allowed the food and diet industry to dictate when and how much we should eat, many people have completely lost trust in their body, and have lost touch with what hunger feels like and what it’s like not to be full. The more you practice and commit to only eating with your body’s feedback, you’ll notice you naturally feel much better and you naturally lose excess fat without needing to pay for a diet.  The other thing you’ll notice is how less you have the urge to binge.
There are many benefits to using your body to know when and how much to eat. But until you try it, you’ll never know. So take my challenge and let me know after a couple of weeks how amazing your body is and how amazing it’s always been. Like trusting that your body knows when it needs to poop, you have to gain trust that your body knows when it needs food too. Think of it like potty training, but with hunger.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Other people’s criticism, or judgment of what is wrong or bad about somebody or something, is merely a reflection of their need to control and dictate rules, guidelines, and boundaries. They are enforcing apon other's the principles by which they use to feel better about themselves.
Their criticism is also a reflection of what makes them feel insecure. Otherwise they wouldn’t take the time and effort to impose their opinion with the intent to put other’s down.  It is this type of controlling person that attracts chaos, and expresses criticism that constantly wreaks havoc, attracts conflict, and draws attention towards to their need for attention and control.
Could it be that their bias is what they think gives them value, that they like the control they feel when people submit to their judgments, or that criticizing others puts them higher-up in a pecking order? Is their offensive attack to protect and control something they don’t want to lose? Even if what you do has no bearing on what they do, if (in their mind) it conflicts or competes with their bias, they’ll feel the impulse to protect their ego, and justify an offensive attack - thus, blowing out someone else’s candle to make theirs brighter.
I understand this reaction. This is the premise for why we war, why there’s prejudice, why we feel justified in hurting others, why ideals judge, hate, and fight to seek value above other ideals. This is why people who have low self-esteem feel the need to put others down in order to pump them-selves up. As if putting someone else down really improves self-esteem!
If a person was confident in themselves and what they do, would they:

·         Start rumors, lie, and put effort into seeking allies that construe faults conflict and controversy?

·         Spend more time trying to discredit the work of others, than they do crediting their own work?

·          Need to justify or defend their beliefs or actions?
Their energy and motive is no longer in the integrity of the work they do, but instead to the corruption of their shallow ego to offend the work of other’s. 
If they were secure in their view, would they feel the urge to attack other people’s belief?
How many of you have been overly criticized by someone you love and want approval from?  Is their disapproval the truth of who you are or is it merely a reflection of the ideology they think you should adhere to? Is their criticism a way to control you, to put you beneath them, and a way for them to feed their ego? One of the most common reasons people emotionally eat is out of insecurity, or to compensate for lack of approval. Eating is a form of self-approval and an easy means to feel secure when insecurity ensues.
But what if you are that critic? Is it your entitled right to force others to remove your insecurity? Instead of forcing other’s to fulfill you are you forcing your insecurity on your body? Do you criticize yourself and enforce diet restrictions to control your feelings of insecurity? Is it your body’s job to make you feel better about yourself?
Consider your internal battles and question if you are the critic, if you are your own opponent, and if you are a martyr to your own abuse. Is the battle you have with other’s really a battle within yourself? If you are secure in yourself, secure in what is authentic and what makes you independently valuable, is there really a threat? Is there a need to put others or yourself down? No.
Before you criticize yourself and others seek what you are compensating for. Are you defending something that needs no apology or are you taking offense to something because you feel insecure? Question why you feel threatened and why you need something outside of yourself to feel better.
If you are blowing out someone else’s candle, it really doesn’t make yours burn brighter, but in fact, it just makes your surroundings darker.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


There is predictability to whether or not people are going to be difficult to work with during the hCG protocol. The most telling information is their denial of emotional eating and their emotional reaction to when food is limited, even without hunger.

These patients complain immediately (even before starting) of their disappointment in the protocol restrictions. Like how punished they are because they can’t put cream in their coffee. How bored they are with the food, within days of starting. They’re miffed by the fact they can’t have cheese, or add oil to their cooking. Usually these patients feel it is their right to eat, and their right to lose fat. These patients are so entitled they are ignorant to their own addiction.

These patients are the most difficult to assist. Why? Because they want you to take on the burden of their issues. They want you to give them a pill so they never have to admit faults.
They complain they are feeling deprived, but admit they aren’t hungry. They obsess over the scale, are disappointed in the fat losses (no matter how miraculous), and believe there is someone else to blame. They admit they continually break the protocol with licks and tastes of foods that aren’t on the protocol, but deny they cheat at all. They ignore the science of leptin, but are astonished by their lack of fat loss eating less than 600 calories (after you include their cheats). These patients think the protocol is flawed and their body is flawed, but not their entitled view of gluttony as virtuous.
These patients don’t want any responsibility and think because they invested money in your program, they are entitled to you as their savior.  And if you don’t meet their unattainable expectations, you are at fault. They believe a pound of fat loss a day is guaranteed because they were told by some shmucky Internet person (selling an amino product with appetite suppressants) that, “By using our liquid drops, the hCG protocol (even though there is no hCG in their product) would allow your body to release one pound of fat a day!”
Despite the fact that you explained thoroughly not to expect that type of loss unless they have a metabolism they requires over 4000 calories a day. Despite the explanation of gains with minor cheats. Despite the warning that the hCG protocol is a hormonal therapy and that there is no guarantee they will adherence to the process, they demand a  100% return policy, even when they ignore every warning, and break all boundaries of the protocol.  
Even though they paid for real expertise, they go to the Internet for “credible” guidance, and continue to argue that you don’t know how the protocol works.  “I saw on YouTube this woman who said you could eat macadamia nuts to lose weight when you stall. I saw another video where they said not to load in the beginning. I called another clinic that said you can eat 1000 calories and the protocol would still work. I’m not hungry but I want an appetite suppressant. Can you prescribe those fat burning injections? I swear you told me fat loss was guaranteed. ” What a nightmare!
Some people refuse to read anything. You’ve spent three hours preparing them, given them Dr. Simeons’ Pounds & Inches,  a workbook, blogs, videos, Weight-Loss Apocalypse,  and everything possible so they have the tools to understand the process from every angle. But yet, they only want you to be there so they have someone to blame when they f*ck up. As if there was something you did that made them cheat!   They schedule appointments just to complain about the protocol, and they hate you because you’re the one who is punishing them.  And they want you to spend another three hours to verbally explain (again) how the entire protocol works.
They grumble about the cost of your program when Internet sales of hCG costs far less. REALLY? There is no value to our expertise and we should work as slaves to your emotional illness?  Should we take on this type of abuse, because you are entitled to ignorance? HELL NO.
I have very little tolerance for this type of bullsh*t. Ask anyone who comes to our clinic and has immediately been shut down and refused a prescription as soon as the complaining begins and entitlement surfaces.  If you are not willing to take personal responsibility for your problems, you are not welcome into our practice. Why? Because there is no one but yourself capable of changing your flawed view of yourself. I refuse to work with an abuser no matter how much money they offer. There is no value in accepting that type of abuse.
If this patient sounds like you, you are in denial. DENIAL. Do the medical community a favor and order your hCG on the Internet.  The people who give FREE help on-line will love to work with you!
Good luck with that and don’t call back. : )

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


You know that feeling you get right before you decide you’re breaking the rules? No matter what the consequence, you don’t care? No matter if someone gets hurt, you’re going to do it anyways, lie about it, and if someone gets in your way, they better watch out. There is no stopping you, and you’ll hide, cheat, and steal to get your entitled addiction. If someone finds out, there’s always a lie you can tell to distract the blame from yourself and to make your decision seem justifiable.

The force between you and your addiction is so strong that you’re willing to mutilate relationships, your body, and your life to get it. For me, that lying, cheating, scandalous force was against my extremist control and restriction from food and from gaining fat. As soon as I had a bite of something I judged as bad, or that was off my pre-determined and calculated food allotment (like a pastry), my mind would go into a tunnel. My decision to go off plan was usually because I thought I could handle it. That one bite wouldn’t hurt my body (which is true). But what I wasn’t aware of was the emotional reaction that one bite would start within my over controlled and rigid frame of mind.
That one bite became a sin. It was something that created guilt, shame, and something to hide.
That one split second, gave me a taste of freedom--a taste of fun and excitement that my restriction would never allow. That one bite would cascade into an emotional pendulum swing, from extreme control and protection on one side, to entitled liberty and freedom on the other. But I’d never let go of my control, until I meditated a way to get rid of the guilt, and remove my shame that arose as soon as I broke my crazy rules. I was the abuser, I enslaved myself from food, yet I was the one who justified breaking the rules for emotional freedom. However again, I justified mutilating my body through exercise and purging to make up for the shame and guilt that occurred as a direct reaction to my insane perfectionism and self criticism.  Why? It all starts with extremist ideology that defines emotional value.  This is what it’s like to be insane: control, compensate, control, and compensate again. CRAZY.
 At any point during this game with food and my body, if anyone got in my way, I’d lie or hide. Waking at 3:00am to exercise, puking in the shower so no one would know (even if they were in the bathroom with me). No one could get in my way.  Once I decided to break my rigidity, I’d time just perfectly what to eat, where it was, how I’d get it, and if I needed to hide, where I’d go and what lie I’d tell, just in case someone found out. In a single day I might puke 8 times and I’d exercise at least 90 minutes. My entire life revolved around counting calories, restricting food, eating on a strict schedule, studying food and recipes, researching exercise, obsessing over how many calories I burned, my weight, and my waist size. I’d measure my waist at least 5 times a day! Then the rest of my day was spent calculating how to get rid of shame, guilt, and anxiety when I’d cheat or break my rigidity. You can imagine the fear that occurred if I wasn’t able to puke or exercise. It felt like death. Literally, like emotional death and my body would physically react with all of the same fight or flight symptoms, as if I was getting murdered.  
Take this description of my past addiction and recognize that all addicts have the same view of the world, the same need to control and defend their addiction of choice. Wouldn’t you if you lived in that type of insanity? Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, dieting, exercise, binging, working, hording, cutting, controlling another person, or liberty to physically and psychologically abuse another person-- if you relate to what I described, you can understand why people do weird things to feel better emotionally, even if it hurts another human being. I’ve come to realize it’s also very predictable and most people with addiction follow the same severe pendulum cycle of thinking. The wonderful news: you are also capable of getting out of this insanity if you choose and if you’re willing to feel vulnerable and submissive to NOT compensate, even when it feels like an emotional atomic bomb- or death.
You have to be willing to let go of restrictive control and judgment, which causes the resulting excessive liberating compensations, that when ended reduces the feeling of guilt, shame, fear, and rejection. With the submission to all of that, is the end of your need for your addiction.  
For me, I had to let myself eat too much (relative to my crazy restrictions) and then refuse to exercise and purge even when I felt severe anxiety. I had to assume the worse and submit to the idea that if I wanted to end my psychological illness, I had to face what I thought would make my life miserable: fat gain. It was a matter of choosing to stop controlling, to stop compensating, and to accept the outcome, no matter what.  It felt like death, and that emotional death came with a tremendous amount of vulnerability, acceptance of rejection, admittance of the weakness of my soul, and exposure to life without hiding.  For you, the only way to climb out of the dark, dreary, cold, grave you dug yourself into is to let go of everything that got you there.
No more control, no more perfection, no more rules, no more judgment. Let the real you be vulnerable to rejection, but first you have to stop defining yourself by outside views, objects, attainments, people, and activities. Who are you with nothing? How then do you define your value?  When you identify and sense your value that requires nothing to achieve, who can take that away or who can make it better? NO ONE.  
What then creates rejection and vulnerability?
Your indefinable awesomeness is innate to your soul and already exists, has always existed, and will continue to exist no matter what. Once you connect with the essence of your soul, it becomes obvious that others who judge you obviously haven’t yet found their own soul – the soul they lost growing up with criticism and judgment. They still think they are only as valuable as you can see, they can tell you, or from a limit that has to be communicated.  They still believe value has to be earned, controlled, followed, and that perfection based on rules is what matters most. They are addicts.
Any person who’s retrieved their soul from a psychologically controlling grave will tell you: love comes from that essence of the soul, and until you reconnect with that, you haven’t started living yet.  The moment you were taught you only have value if you do this, this, and this…was the moment you starting dying.  That was the moment you lost the awesomeness of your soul, and the moment you started focusing on seeking life outside of that soul. It’s time to go back to that child, back to that soul, and start living again.
Love who you are without control and if you don’t know what that is, list all of the rules you follow by and get rid of them. All of your definitions, let go of. Imagine who you’d be without them. Can you even imagine your value if it didn’t have to be designated by some type of conformity? If that is what you want, you’re addiction is about to end. Freedom is outside of the emotional jail and it’s yours when you’re ready to walk out. LET GO…

Monday, February 20, 2012


Control is what you pay for when you sign up for a diet or fitness program. You feel insecure about your body in some shape or form. You pay someone who says they have the secret recipe through either food intake or exercise, or both, that will change your body-- thus fixing your insecurity.
They give you a list of rules: don't eat this, eat that, burn calories this way, eat at this time, only eat this much, exercise this way, for that long, etc. You succumb to whatever rules they give-- in desperate hope you're body can be transformed into what you think will make you a happier person. Or at least to what will make you feel better about that certain body part you don't like.

If the diet plan works, you're left to believe you can't stop, because now you're dependent on it to keep your body secure from regressing back to the way it was. For example, you've lost all of your excess fat with the hCG protocol, yet you still think you need to follow some sort of diet plan to keep you from gaining it all back. You're still dieting and have a diet control mentality, even though your body doesn't need to be under a contstant fueling restriction.

You're now controlling even more out of fear you're body is on the verge of regaining. You think you still have leptin resistance, you still believe your body is all messed up, and you still believe you have to diet to keep your fat off, even though you may have less than 30 pounds of fat on your body (which is very lean for a female). The choice to control your body not only perpetuates your feelings of insecurity, but it makes your need for more control even worse. This is like losing weight running half-marathons and such. Then you feel compelled to continue to enlist in races out of fear you'll gain fat back without that type of training. You are now dependent, or at least think you are.

Have you ever considered your body's innate subconscious intelligence? That every cell in your body has the capacity to control (of which your conscious mind can't even begin to conceptualize) and maintain homeostasis without your help? Think of it this way, you have a body that your mother's body created perfectly. Did your mother have to meddle in the business of your body to make sure you were created in a way that would survive the climate of our ever changing environment? I have three children and my intelligence can't even start to comprehend how I am (and they are) still alive under the circumstance of labor and delivery!!! What would make us believe that we have even the slightest idea about the capacity of the human body to control itself? How does it maintain life under polar opposite stress, which is under polar opposite stress, in a 4-dimentionsal plane, infinity, and so forth?

The idea that we can control the human body stems from insecurity. It is an idea that there is something wrong based on our idea of what is right. But if what is right is based on our limited level of understanding, and our intellectual understanding isn't even a sliver of the body's capacity, aren't we dumbing down the human body to our limited view? The more we know of the human body, the more we recognize our understanding is far less then what we thought. But even with that awareness, food is one thing we do control. We control what it is, when we eat it, how much, and we justify eating for whatever bias we have. But what is the controls by which the body dictates it's need for food? Hunger.

If you're not hungry your body isn't communicating the need for food. This concept is similar to urination. If you don't have the sensations to urinate, then you don't have an emmint reason to go to the bathroom. Would you sit on the pot if you didn't have the sense to urinate? Would you go to the bathroom and sit on the toilette for fun? To distract from sad? To celebrate? NO! Then why would you eat without hunger too?

Hunger is the foudational signal that it is time for you to prioritize eating. It is the body's own way of controlling your behavior and it is highly reliable as a means to eat less without the need to control your food intake from a diet. Why? Because your body knows more than any business person who created a diet in order increase their profit margins. The human body knows when and how much food you need. Once you've masted listening to hunger and doing as it says, it is then your job to make wise choices with what you eat.

Without this trust and teamwork with the body, you'll always seek control, you'll always have to count calories, you'll always need to measure whats coming in and whats going out, and you'll always feel as if your body is messed up. Until you are willing to trust that your body knows much more about what it needs and when, you're at the mercy of someone else'se intellingence. Is their motive to control your food intake for the health of your body or the health of their wallet? Before you enlist in a diet of any type, start by learning your hunger and using it as a guide. Then make the intelligent choice of what to eat.