BLOWING OUT SOMEONE ELSE'S CANDLE TO MAKE YOUR'S SEEM BRIGHTER

Other people’s criticism, or judgment of what is wrong or bad about somebody or something, is merely a reflection of their need to control and dictate rules, guidelines, and boundaries. They are enforcing apon other's the principles by which they use to feel better about themselves.

Their criticism is also a reflection of what makes them feel insecure. Otherwise they wouldn’t take the time and effort to impose their opinion with the intent to put other’s down.  It is this type of controlling person that attracts chaos, and expresses criticism that constantly wreaks havoc, attracts conflict, and draws attention towards to their need for attention and control.

Could it be that their bias is what they think gives them value, that they like the control they feel when people submit to their judgments, or that criticizing others puts them higher-up in a pecking order? Is their offensive attack to protect and control something they don’t want to lose? Even if what you do has no bearing on what they do, if (in their mind) it conflicts or competes with their bias, they’ll feel the impulse to protect their ego, and justify an offensive attack - thus, blowing out someone else’s candle to make theirs brighter.

I understand this reaction. This is the premise for why we war, why there’s prejudice, why we feel justified in hurting others, why ideals judge, hate, and fight to seek value above other ideals. This is why people who have low self-esteem feel the need to put others down in order to pump them-selves up. As if putting someone else down really improves self-esteem!

If a person was confident in themselves and what they do, would they:

·         Start rumors, lie, and put effort into seeking allies that construe faults conflict and controversy?

·         Spend more time trying to discredit the work of others, than they do crediting their own work?

·          Need to justify or defend their beliefs or actions?

Their energy and motive is no longer in the integrity of the work they do, but instead to the corruption of their shallow ego to offend the work of other’s. 

If they were secure in their view, would they feel the urge to attack other people’s belief?

How many of you have been overly criticized by someone you love and want approval from?  Is their disapproval the truth of who you are or is it merely a reflection of the ideology they think you should adhere to? Is their criticism a way to control you, to put you beneath them, and a way for them to feed their ego? One of the most common reasons people emotionally eat is out of insecurity, or to compensate for lack of approval. Eating is a form of self-approval and an easy means to feel secure when insecurity ensues.

But what if you are that critic? Is it your entitled right to force others to remove your insecurity? Instead of forcing other’s to fulfill you are you forcing your insecurity on your body? Do you criticize yourself and enforce diet restrictions to control your feelings of insecurity? Is it your body’s job to make you feel better about yourself?

Consider your internal battles and question if you are the critic, if you are your own opponent, and if you are a martyr to your own abuse. Is the battle you have with other’s really a battle within yourself? If you are secure in yourself, secure in what is authentic and what makes you independently valuable, is there really a threat? Is there a need to put others or yourself down? No.

Before you criticize yourself and others seek what you are compensating for. Are you defending something that needs no apology or are you taking offense to something because you feel insecure? Question why you feel threatened and why you need something outside of yourself to feel better.

If you are blowing out someone else’s candle, it really doesn’t make yours burn brighter, but in fact, it just makes your surroundings darker.