Weight-Loss Apocalypse

Control is what you pay for when you sign up for a diet or fitness program. You feel insecure about your body in some shape or form. You pay someone who says they have the secret recipe through either food intake or exercise, or both, that will change your body-- thus fixing your insecurity. They give you a list of rules: don't eat this, eat that, burn calories this way, eat at this time, only eat this much, exercise this way, for that long, etc. You succumb to whatever rules they give-- in desperate hope you're body can be transformed into what you think will make you a happier person. Or at least to what will make you feel better about that certain body part you don't like. If the diet plan works, you're left to believe you can't stop, because now you're dependent on it to keep your body secure from regressing back to the way it was. For example, you've lost all of your excess fat with the hCG protocol, yet you still think you need to follow some ...

One of the funniest things we do as humans is try to control things, especially controlling how we are perceived by others. We follow an idea of how something should be and we try to force the idea within ourselves and others. A perfect example of this is clothing. Observe how jeans have changed in the last thirty years. It starts with an artist who designs a shape, a color, or a logo. Then there is judgment of anything other than that. The people who want to control others to feel better about themselves are the most critical and in order to perceive themselves as higher in a pecking order of value, they judge others who don't wear the trend. Then followers who are defined by how their clothes are judged, follow the opinion of the most critical, again, to avoid judgment and to feel more valuable. As the fear of judgment and fear of being less valuable in the eyes of others continues as a ripple affect, the overall dress code chan...

Do you have any memories as a child where you actually felt loved? A moment when you received a positive feeling that your mom or dad thought you were special? If it wasn't from your parents was it from someone else? A teacher, a friend's mom, the toys you played with, the new clothes you wore, the friends you had in junior high, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a piece of cake, music, a drink of alcohol, your religious measure, watching your first porn, gambling, sex, or something else that made you feel good about yourself? Usually that feeling of love gives you butterflies, a feeling of importance, a sense of pride, a moment of acceptance and security, and that feeling is what we continue to seek for the rest of our lives. But for many, that love was only received under a condition (let's say sex) and you're forced to submit or to accept that condition (even though it feels like fear and trauma), just for a moment of feeling loved or valuable. If it wasn't molestati...

Caring was my addiction. I cared so much that I psychotically controlled everything to avoid fat gain. Because I cared about being thin, fat gain was what I thought was hell, and what I thought would be the death of my value.   CRAZY.    When I made the choice to not commit suicide, I knew I would have to submit to the fact that when I let go of control, my worst nightmare would happen and I had to just assume I was going to end up weighing 600 pounds. I decided not to care, and to accept obesity if that was indeed the result. I chose to put my ego aside, and to instead trust that if I were to listen to my body, and give it a chance to lead the way, that I was willing to find out what the outcome would be. I would not eat without hunger, I would not control what and how much I ate, I wouldn't judge the food (which always ended in shame, fear and guilt), and I would never again exercise to compensate or to relieve the anxiety. I would surrender m...